Me, Myself, and I . . . A Rant

I have come to the realization that 60 seconds is not nearly enough time for my tiny fingers to move at a face pace. This means, that the original idea of a 60 second rant may be impossible. However, I will still rant on like my forefathers and provide you, my audience, with a sense of weariness. Why did I title this “Me, Myself, and I”? It’s simple. I wanted to start off with a little story and joke that happened a long time ago, back when it was tough for me to even stand apart from society.

This story begins in my ninth grade Public Speaking class. The assignment was to make bumper stickers and see if anyone could guess who made them. Most people had “Shit Happens”, an obvious homage to Forrest Gump, “Let’s Party!”, and the ever popular “Jesus Saves”. Me? Well, I looked outside of the box. Or really, I stand outside of the box, peer in and see people in the box, I sneer, chuckle, and proceed to write some backwards idea or something that makes the class feel uncomfortable. I happened to make two that day. The first was:

“If God made man to amuse himself, why did he make woman?”

Naturally, everyone thought sexually about this one. I only meant that my vision of God is as follows: If God is a big bearded man who hangs out with feminine guys in white up in the clouds, he is obviously a bored old guy. What do  bored old guys do? They make things to enjoy and laugh at. God made man so that he (God) could take personal enjoyment out of all the stupid things that man does. This bumper sticker was a pun on two things, or it was supposed to be. It was a pun on the idea that God is a bored old guy or a kid with an ant farm, and it was a pun that man (AKA men) are idiots. If God only wanted a good laugh, making something logical would seem illogical. Of course, now that I think about it, it makes sense. Because what is more fun than watching the dysfunctional relationship between a man and a woman? Even we have figured that one out.

Anyways, back to the story, the second bumper sticker was a personal favorite and unfortunately the one that made the class realize who was the author. Y’see, I am the proud subject of great ridicule and was bestowed a great title: Morbid. As such, anything dark, creepy, or gives people the sense of insanity was placed upon me. The second bumper sticker is as follows:

“If two minds are better than one, why aren’t two personalities?”

Clearly this bumper sticker makes you think that having split personalities might be a good thing. And as such, I can see that it could. Multiple personalities actually help people cope with large amounts of stress. Therefore, it could be seen as a good thing. Of course, my classmates did not see it like that. Where is the joke in all of this? I think the joke is really on them. I can honestly say that I felt bullied. Now, I was not physically bullied, but the pain was still there. Therefore, I was emotionally bullied. However, I do not feel the pain or anger anymore. Instead, I feel a sense of belonging and understanding of myself as a person. I do not have the same brain patterns as most. I am naive, but intelligent. I am dramatic. I have been called the following: odd, eccentric (a personal favorite), and weird. All of these are just words, descriptions of who people see me as.

And so, this is titled “Me, Myself, and I” purely because of the fact that I am that strange person who writes to get away. I am that person who will make a comment just to see another person squirm (a great story to relive in the future). In short, I am the same as you . . . only I like to rant about it on the net.

If you have any questions about me, comment. If you want to read “Why 60 Seconds?” I recommend it. After all, in this world where you have to be politically correct it is always good to have a disclaimer.


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